I had to put a case back on my phone solely because of how often I throw it at walls in anger
I don’t really know what to say in response to your messages- the ones from last night AND every message prior. That is why it may seem like I am a bad friend. I’m terrified of losing you to that endless darkness even though sometimes like now it feels like I already have. Because I feel unappreciated without getting a real chance to reach out to you (because you reject me every morning and night). Because I am afraid that I am not strong enough anymore. Because I want to be happy with you, but you are always sad. Because I want to get excited about the amazing future we can share together, but I am so unsure of it even happening. So yes, I am afraid of you because when desperately strive for some stability in my life, I am met with my best friend who doesn’t provide what a best friend should. I have already given so much to you and I have not received what I need in return in the amount that I need it. I need you. It is up to you to accept that or not.